Wishes,Horses and Tomorrow

“How is one supposed to ...you know react, or...or respond the shock of it is one thing but the...the I don’t even know the word ford for it”

Here is what had happened. Ralph after twenty years of his seemingly “normal” life had found out that he was in fact adopted.

“The worst part of it is to keep it a secret for 20 freaking years. I get not wanting to tell a kid like the concepts to difficult to grasp and all but a twenty year old... I mean I had the right to know when I was ten or twelve...Okay maybe fifteen it is a pretty hard hitting fact to ones identity and well basically existence.

A warm summer breeze blew over the two as they lay on their back at the edge of the cliff, feet hanging several feet above the ground. Adele continued to pluck out on the dried grass of the land and twist it between her fingers. She gazed at the light blue sky as the delicate clouds glided by. The view was interrupted by the intermittent appearance of Ralph’s hands that were aiding as gestures blatantly displaying his discontent.

“I mean here I am making big plans for my future charting out every course of action trying to make my “parents” proud and all only to find out that they’re not really my parents at all. What does all this mean? Where do I stand?”

Adele now turned her gaze sideways. Red blazing hair, Light freckled skin, this boy by whose side she grew up and had known forever. “Right here, beside me” she replied as she sat up. She said it so he would smile. She loved to see him smile. The way his eyes shrunk as the rest of the face was just invaded by the smile. She knew that it would make him smile.

He knew she didn’t mean it.

“It doesn’t mean a thing you know” she continued “nobody knows who they are, nobody knows where they stand. Yes when you have a family it gives a place to start from but that still remains just the beginning. Where you go from there is up to you, entirely. Being with family is what it means to us. Whether it’s a place we want to keep going back to or wish we never have to go back to it still us as individuals. You have a family Ralph, a mother and a father who love you very much. That’s why they really never saw the need to tell you. You always were a part of them and they a part of you. They could have told you earlier but at this moment of your life you are ready to face the world on your own as a young man. They know how important they are to you and why it means so much that you make them proud. This is why they are sending you into the world with no strings. If you believe that you don’t owe them anything you can follow heart with the least consideration of what happens to them or you can come to terms with the idea that your heart simply looks to make them happy.”

“Are you justifying them” Ralph enquired

“Tell me I’m wrong” Adele replied quickly

He stared hard at her trying to come up with something, anything. He hated how she was right always. Her eyes were strong and determined and the rest of her body seemed to sway with the breeze.

“You’re not. You never are. But I am late” Ralph said looking at his watch.

“Dinner at Victoria’s parents” he said as he sprang to his feet and dusted off his trousers.

“Good luck” she smiled and said in a shaky voice.

As he walked away she sat with her body turned watching him make his way.

“Hey Ralph” she shouted behind him shading her eyes from the sun.

He threw his hands up in the air gesturing to know what she wanted to say.

“Are you going to go look for them?”

“Who?”

“Your real parents?”

Ralph sighed. Then placed his hands on his hips and asked “why would you bring that up just as I was leaving?”

“Because I know it’s troubling you...”

Adele stood up and walked towards him. Placed one hand on his shoulder and said “and because I want to see you again tomorrow and because I love you and because I’m sorry.”

They both stared at each other.

The sun was fast setting in the west. The cliff in the east blazing golden with every last rays it could catch. In that sun Ralph walked away hastily to Victoria’s and Adele walked home still staring at the sky feeling the breeze, watching the birds and Smiling.

Q&A

“The intricacies of life I don’t expect you to understand” Zoe said, her slender figure wrapped in a gold yellow linen dress and stretched out on the floor. Her head rested on the pink satin cushion as she gently stroked a piece of ribbon with her slender fingers.

“And I do not understand, not the intricacies just the stupidity” Stella shot back. Zoe turned her eyes upwards. Stella’s sturdy figure towered over her. Her arms fiercely crossed and her dark eyes firm and furious as she stared at Hannah. “Once. Twice. Thrice. I get it. How does a perfectly intelligent human being like you managed to get screwed over seven times” she continued.

Hannah shook her head and dried up her eyes as she huddled further on the couch with her legs outstretched. Beside her feet lay the Virginia Wolfe novel bookmarked somewhere at the start of the book.

“Have you seriously been counting?” Zoe asked as she sat up and curled her legs on the carpet. “Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Three years, in which I’ve worked on fifteen assignments, you’ve had three jobs and Hannah’s had seven breakups.”

“seven in three years is a little too much  you know” Zoe spoke as she lifted herself next to Hannah wrapping her one arm around her and pulling away Hannah’s brown hair from her face. “First or seventh she has gone through a break up, it hurts just as much you know” she said to Stella. This was a calming gesture for everyone. “Promise me” Zoë said “promise me that you will consciously stay single for some time, at least a month”

“Six” Stella retorted plunging herself on the chair besides the couch.

“One month” to begin with Zoë said her voice firm and calm

“Fine! but by the end of the month you’ll be having so much fun you’d want to extend the offer for sure” Stella said as she rose to her feet and walked toward the kitchen. She put on the kettle and pulled up three mugs and sat them on the platform. As the coffee boiled Stella stared out of the window wondering how Zoë did it?

“How did she do it? How does she do it every time? For more than an hour I had been yelling at Hannah and Hannah had been weeping away to glory. All she did during that time was fiddle with that stupid ribbon lying prostrate on the floor. Was she even listening to any of our conversation and Hannah that stupid stupid stupid girl just lay there snivelling like a schoolgirl? So weak. How could she? That girl has no self respect whatsoever.”

“I should get changed” Hannah said to Zoë, “this dress is killing me”

Of course sweetie” Zoë said as she lifted her hands from around Hannah.

As Hannah undressed herself and shamefully looked at her flabby body she thought “Promise me? Promise me my ass! How is being single going to help me in anyway? She doesn’t understand that Zoë. She’s beautiful she actually has to decide who to go out with doesn’t she get it doesn’t she know I have literally to live off her scraps. Who in the right mind would want to go out with me?” she pulled down the wrapper dress with all its might “This area it’s the toughest to lose around here the stomach is fine it’s the thighs that store the stubborn fat and that just give me the appearance of a stuffed turkey. I should really go running with Stella. I mean I know I’d never be able to keep up but it’s for my own good at least that way I don’t have to diet, am going to do that starting tomorrow.

Zoe lay on the couch and returned to fiddling with the ribbon. “I wonder how she does it?” she thought “every time she gets her heart broken, cries her eyes out for weeks and before you know it she’s out there dating again and within a few days she actually has a tangible relationship. She’s brave that Hannah! Nothing like myself healing from a heart break I had in high school. Such a sad pathetic loser of me, but then again Stella’s single too. She hasn’t had a boyfriend since I can remember. Maybe she is a lesbian after all or just insensitive or maybe she’s just so focussed on her job she doesn’t quite see anything romantically? Ironic you’d think for a photographer. I wish I could have a teeny bit of that focus so I could have one steady job.”

Outside the sun shone brighter. The day had just begun.

Biscuit Race

A random memory crossed my mind the other day. Seemingly lucid at the time it actually presented itself with a very important life lesson.

When I was about five years old our parish organised a little Christmas get together or was it Easter? My memory fails me there. A get together it was, and like most of these events there were various activities for all age groups. For that age I was a pretty athletic being and running races was a matter of sheer delight. So when I heard that the event for my age group was a race of sorts I could have fist pumped the air. I should have paid attention to what sort of race it was though because that was going to be the beginning of my dismay. It was a ‘biscuit eating’ race. One of the most ridiculously juvenile races and I don’t say that out of contempt. This was the only race where at the start line you saw the fat kid smiling. To analyse the objective of this race, what do you intend to tender upon the young and impressionable minds? That apart from the major rat race you are eventually going to be part of you must also learn to gulp down your meals. Whatever happened to chew you food slowly and then swallow. It is important that as mature adults we rethink a lot of hand me down ideals.

Ceasing to whine about the race and getting back to the events that transpired or rather that did not transpire that day. It was at the start line the ground that played host to the race was a rectangular one with a polished tiled surface. I cannot begin to evaluate the things wrong with the arrangements. Firstly it we were made to stand along the length of the floor instead of the width which by virtue of geometry meant lesser distance to run, secondly it was a POLISHED TILED SURFACE. At the end of the race or rather an insult of a race was plastic chairs upon which sat plates and in them clumps of biscuits. From that distance and with my eyesight it was pretty clear what biscuits they were. The worst kind. The kind you see your grandparents dip into a sugarless cup of evening tea. I hated those biscuits from the bottom of my heart. Naturally I panicked. All the same when the whistle blew I darted towards the finish.

As I approached the plate the biscuits grew larger and larger. Their dry surface searing into my skin like blisters on a cold day. With an absolute heavy heart I lifted one and stared at it. Mustering all the courage I had I bit it. Dry and tasteless the biscuit crumbled in my mouth sending smaller pieces flying into the air. I chewed and chewed for what seemed an eternity. Then with a life long struggle I swallowed it. The next thing I did surprised everyone watching and continues to surprise me to this day. I gently put the biscuit down and walked away.

You see I clearly hated the biscuit. I knew I was a good athlete so winning was of no dire consequence. Whatever the prize at the end of the finish line, it could not have been worth the price to pay. So it has been with life no matter what the end result I have tended to avoid things that don’t suit my sensibilities. It has been tough sometimes and like that day the onlookers gasp in wonder as they try to comprehend why or how I would just walk away. I could try to sit and explain but that would ruin the whole thing really. There is hard work and there is passion, hard work got somebody the prize that day passion gave me the courage to walk away.

Freed

Am I ready for the rains,
No. I barely soaked any of the sun
I scavenged through the last scrap of rays.
I want a land with sunshine
Not too much of it
Just enough to warm the breeze.

Now the sun scorches
Burns, sinks its teeth into me
My head reels ,seething pain.

Am I ready for the rains?
Yes. I want it pour
Pour down and wash away
Wash me, cleanse me
Free me.

SUN

The rocks toppled over and crashed into a million bits,
the abyss was deep.

It drew its long slender claws around the edge of the cliff firmly gripping on.
A gust of smoke spat out as it drew its breath.
The warm summer breeze blew over its glistening skin.

The desert with its red and golden sands
stretched as far as the eyes could see.
Looking for an escape
could lead to an unlikely build up of despair.
No matter what the escape.

In the distance the Red hills stood majestic,
Its crevices weeping to tell the tales of time gone by.
The time gone by, alas the rocks do not speak.

The tales are but heard in the lore.
The stories of old women who sing around the fire.
They sway and sway,
to trust these tales from them?

They sing of a dark summer night,
the night which their fathers awaited
the night when the moon mother would give birth
that night the moon mother gave birth

Birds with wings of the strength to pull the earth away
their eyes glistened like gemstones
plucked out of the womb of the moon
Their skin glistening in the pale moonlight
The red hue unmistakable

These birds neared the Fathers
as they waited in anxiety
These birds
Their breath, warm
Their breath ,fire


It drew its long slender claws around the edge of the cliff firmly gripping on.
A gust of smoke spat out as it drew  its breath.
The warm summer breeze blew over its glistening skin.
With one mighty leap the bird darted off

It soared
and soared higher
the old women watched
their sons watched
and their sons
all in anxiety
for the dark summer night
was here again.

It soared high till no eye could witness it.
Then all was plunged in darkness
The bird was hungry
Its breath drew Fire
It hungered for more fire.
It went after more fire

The untamed beast could have known no better.
The dark summer night was here again

the night which their fathers awaited
the night when the moon mother would give birth


The night the bird fed
fed on the sun,
The dark summer night was here again,
here to stay,here for good.

Meet Victoria

Kafka on the shore a book presented to me by a very special person as a key to unlock the various mysteries that vow to keep me confounded. The troubled young boy, calls himself Kafka and 'the voice in his head' Crow. Result, I christen my voice in the head too.

You may have officially met her or seen an occasional glimpse of her. When you wondered where the real me had wandered off to you certainly encountered her. The toughest part however is when Victoria tries to get out, take control and all this while I'm very much still there. I've struggled, time and again. It's a battle difficult to limit in words. It's a turmoil often resounded by the universe around me.

With the new promises:
Stop apologizing for who you are
Give yourself wholly to the universe

Victoria has gone into overdrive. Seems like shes finally found a different way of contacting the universe and picking the best for me. I must say she has great taste and this new arrangement makes me very happy.

Less fights more conversations
Pure and honest relationship, there is nothing really to hide

Along with Kafka on the shore I owe gratitude to Another Earth. A movie which asked me....If you met yourself what would you do???
You know the person in front of you is you,and they know you are they.
What do you say then to someone who has your tastes,your likes, your dislikes,your stories, your fears, your secrets????

Where does this place my other relationships then? Where does this put my other promises?

Short breaths draw in the musk of the earth,
I run through the woods.
The sun enjoys a merry game of hide and seek 
as it shoots its rays through the strong tree trunks.
The light strikes like a little child, 
desperately seeking to hit an aim,
then it misses.
It lands on a drop of water,
and burst into a million little rays.
Joy!


It rained last night.
The linen still drenched and heavy,
from the downpour clings onto my body.
I run through the woods.
My eyes ache as they search, 
through the endlessness of trees. 
I seek a clearing in the woods.


My clothes wear me down.
They slow me down.
I jerk of the thought,
and distance myself from them.
futile rages spur within,
I shudder.
The rage passes on.


The white silk tassel is the first,
it brings an outburst.
The interwoven threads follow.
It wraps itself around the branch of a fallen tree.
It pulls me down.
Thud!
I fall in the woods.
Yes I make a sound,
I begin to cry.
Palms spread on the soggy mud,
eyes misty with water,
the sun scatters in the tears, 
almost blinding.


The hope of a clearing
 in the woods, is lost.
I look around,
the trees hum a familiar tune,
the leaves rustle a sweet lullaby.
I go to sleep.

She hung up her coat behind the door and kicked of her shoes. She dragged herself to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. As she lifted the glass her eyes caught the letter. She stared at it. She had read it, over and over again. "We all make mistakes and we all hurt.....Forgiveness is key..." the words circled round her head as they had done all day.She turned her back to the letter as if to shut the thoughts out. "What we have must go on", they were back again. She closed her eyes and gulped down a sip. The wine tingled her senses as if breathing some life into her tired body. "It must go on" she thought "Yes, it must. I am the correction she is the mistake. Yes this isn't what I pictured for me in life but it feels right so it must be it, it must go on"

When she was with him she was a different person. Strong,confident,beautiful, she felt it,in her heart. She could spend endless hours talking to him and even longer about him, if there was anyone she could talk to that is. Not any more,now she could scream at the top of the world. Tonight he would come to her. Tonight he would be hers forever.Yes the world would talk as they always do,as she did once too,and just as the seasons change so would the talk.

She threw herself on the couch and picked up the letter and read it once again.She felt a sense of victory as she ran through his words. She stopped. Victory she wondered. Is it victory? Victory over what? If I'm winning, is someone loosing. She looked at the time. If I hurry I could make it in time, she thought. she grabbed her coat and stuffed the letter into her pocket and headed for her car. "What am I doing?" she thought but carried on all the same. All she wanted was in her grasp. Was this a mistake?What was she hoping to achieve? She had no answers and the questions didn't seem to stop. She got into the car,the engine roared up, She took a deep breath and drove off.

The park was a lovely place,she came here often as a kid. But moving towards the city had its fair share of advantages. The air smelled sweet like it did when she came with her father. They indeed spent the most wonderful years together however short-lived they were. Kids screamed as they played, People chattered,cyclists zoomed by,joggers trotted by and dreamers just drifted by. "life" she heard herself whisper.Just at the bend of the road under the huge oak tree was where the playgroup met. She could see the little kids running around.Among the bunch of boys running after the other she spotted him. Bright haired and wide eyed, probably the liveliest of them all.She sat on a bench opposite. Sitting there she devoured his every movement like it were the air she was breathing. Even at the tender age of three his father's characteristics were more than evident.She pushed her hands into the coat pockets to hide them from the cold air. She felt the letter,she drew it out and began reading it again.

Evening began to hum a darker tune when she realized how long she spent there just staring at the children. The playgroup had begun winding up. She saw mothers coming to fetch their kids home. Among the crowd she spotted her. Slender, blonde and indeed charming,very different from herself. "They have lost" she thought, "They will face the ugly truth today which will possibly change their lives forever, but definitely change mine for the better". Just then she saw the two of them approaching her. No, they had no idea who she was but yet as they drew closer she lost her nerve. She sprang up to her feet and decided to make a move. She started to walk in the opposite direction feeling her knees tremble along the way. her heart was racing. She didn't quite understand what was making her so nervous. All of a sudden she heard footsteps behind her. the footsteps were fast but the stride was small. they belonged to child,certainly. Not him, she thought.She felt him drawing closer."excuse me miss" she heard a young voice squeak. It was him. She clenched the insides of her coat pocket,she carried on ignoring him. "Excuse me miss" he said louder as he tugged onto her coat. She turned. she looked down into his eyes.Innocent and a clear sparkling blue."Miss I tink you dropped this" he said. Before she could make sense of anything he ran back to his mother and hid behind her coat. She saw her smile,she smiled back and raised the letter as if to thank them.Mother and son continued walking away.

As she walked away she felt something she could never describe. She opened the letter,read it again."I know it will be hard on them but if they really love me they will understand" she re- read those lines,she folded the letter and as she walked out of the gates of the park she gently slid it into a trash can. That day she walked out of the gates a woman in love, a woman truly in love.

To think that my life belongs to you,
to think that yours belongs to me
is but a laugh.

your life belongs to them,
mine as well.
I will continue this illusion
No more

The wooden doors creaked as they swayed back and forth, she shot right through them seemingly determined to break them down. Tears lashed down her cheeks scathing her skin and scarring her soul. "No" she thought to herself "no, nothing in the world had given him the right to do that to her."
She ran up the stairs dashing across all the men comfortably seated with a beer or two by their side, their laughter echoed and drowned her sobs. Up in the attic she sat all by herself, and if anyone had dared to walk in she vowed she would scream . She stared down through the circular opening. The sand glistened in the late morning sun, the waves continued to sway back and forth slowly retrieving its tide. The tears did not seem to stop and her heart ached. She had never felt so angry before. She clenched her skirt with all her might hoping that it would drown some of the anger, but it didn't help.She stared down at them all of them especially him.
They continued their little game as if nothing had ever happened. She sat down of the lump of hay stored in the attic. She must have hidden up there for quite some time because the sun had come overhead and its rays pierced throught the round window and stole moments to slip in through the cracks of the attic.
The door creaked behind her,but she did not scream. She had been alone for so long that she almost jumped at the sound of the door. A hand holding Bunny made an appearance. Bunny- a grey rabbit with pink patches around its stomach and paws. She loved bunny with all her heart. She had won him when she went to the fair with Joe. "It's Bunny the rabbit Missy" the fat man at the stall had told her "don't forget to feed him his carrots". At the time she had found it odd because Bunny looked nothing like the rabbits in the zoo Joe had shown her, also he never really seemed interested in eating the carrots or anything for that matter. But in time she had grown fond of him. Bunny- just the thing she needed, and only one person was about to present himself from behind the door-Joe. The drooping wrinkles on Joe's face also smiled when he smiled and said "somebody is missin ma lil girl". his round freckled nose bobbed up and down as he spoke."go away Joe" she retorted "I wont speak to no one". She looked away and buried her face in the hay. "Ah well! I just thought Bunny might be getting a little lonely or hungry perhaps?"
"He's not hungry, he never is, he never eats anything"
"Oh am not so sure, I just saw him sippin on Mr. Pipes beer"
"Really?" she sprung up on her two feet.
"Well why don't you try feeding him yourself"
She grabbed Bunny from Joe's hand and sprinted down the wooden stairs.
"Gimme a glass of beer Mrs. Haley, hurry up! Bunny is thirsty"
"Well now Sara, you cannot be serious who put you up to this?"Mrs. Haley was a short round woman with wavy red hair always piled up on her head in a messy sort of way. She placed her heavy hands on her rounded hips as her beady green eyes stared at Sara.
"Hurry up Mrs Haley or Bunny might be sick, he hasn't eaten in days you see."
"Hasn't eaten in days and wants a pint o beer, sweet heart that sounds very much like your uncle Joe" she smiled and said. She looked at Sara, the sweet girl of seven, how she would loved to have had a daughter but Sara made up for all that was missing. Sara looked determined. Mrs Haley gave in.
"Don' feed him too much might knock him in the head" she shouted behind Sara as she ran up to the attic.
She lay down on the heap of hay and rested Bunny on her lap. She put her palm and gently lifted his head. She had seen her mother feed Jessica in the same way. She gradually tilted the cup towards Bunny's lips. Bunny did not drink much, he spilled most of it. He was more messier that Jessica she thought. She tried pouring two more sips when she saw Bunny's nose get soggy.
"Oh no" she thought "Mrs. Haley was right its goin up to his head" she immediately turned him upright. This seemd to do the trick.
"I told ya he was thirsty" Joe had returned grinning the widest grin possible.
"He didn't drink much" Sara replied the disappointment clear in the tone of her voice.
"My Dear girl he is so very small he is bound to drink only that much. I assure you he,s had enough for a few days now" Joe said sounding quite certain about Bunnies eating habits,"I think we should let him rest now,What do you think?"
"I think so too" Sara said. Bunny might have had a small and extremely unhealthy appetite but the few sips of beer that Sara fed him had made her quite content.
"Would you wanna ride with me to the market then?" Joe asked.
It seemed like a good idea. Sara agreed promptly.
Joe had a black car, long and sleek it was different from any other cars in the village. Though Sara could never put her finger on it a ride in that car always made her happy and Joe knew that.
The ride was long and Sara didn't quite recall what Joe went into the market for. But she remembered the wind in her hair and the smell of the dry corn and it passed by swaying in the wind. She had slipped into a trance like state and dint quite remember the conversation with Joe but she must have told him everything that happened in the morning with Dan and all the kids.How she took the new beach set her father had got her to build the most exquisite sand castle ever, how Alfie had been an extreme annoyance but great help at the same time and How Dan had been a complete monster and kicked it to ruins just before Alfie could put a flag on it. She knew this because Joe told her he knew how she could get even with Dan once they got back.

Years went by and all that remained of Joe were memories, and that box he had given Sara, he had promised it would help her get even with Dan. Sara remembered when she returned from Joe's funeral she had cried herself to sleep. She had woken up only at midnight when the whole town seemed asleep. That's when she remembered the box. She ran to her trunk. She pushed open the heavy medal lid, there wrapped clumsily in a white muslin cloth was Joe's secret weapon to her. She lifted it with trembling hands. She could not come to think that that box was all that she had left of Joe. She thought of the days when she and Dan were friends ,she needed a friend now and god knows Dan did too, after all Joe was his grandfather. Gently she undid the the knot that sat on top of the box, the cloth fell apart to reveal a wooden box. She drew a deep breath and lifted the lid of the box. What she saw surprised her and did not quite make sense. "Get even with Dan with these?"she thought a little disappointed. This was the first time Joe had disappointed her. But strangely she was not angry. She in fact was happy that she had something to remember Joe by. Besides it had been so long since she had fought with Dan, they had grown apart since and revenge wasn't exactly on her mind anymore. She looked out of her window the stars shined brightly through the clear sky over the ocean. She shut the trunk and went back to bed.

The sound of the engine grew louder, then came the incessant honking. "Oh my god he's here" Jessica screamed frantically from the room next to Sara's. "you have to help me, now". Sara had expected this. Jessica was always someone who did things at the eleventh hour. Sara shut her book and walked towards Jessica's room. "I really don't think that's him..." Sara shut up at the site of her sisters room. Her eyes widened.
" Sara, argh I know its a mess but please, I swear I'll clear up, just zip me up now" Jessica exclaimed.
Sara obliged, she knew mum would be clearing up and nothing was to change. She looked at Jessica, she truly looked beautiful.
"Hair" Sara quipped.
"Jess dear" her mother poked her head through, "Sam's here, don't worry he's having a little chat with your father."
"Wha.......What is dad saying?"
her mother had vanished.
"Don't worry Jess am sure he's just making him feel at home." Sara reassured her.
Jess can I say something Sara said turning her sister around to face her after sticking in the last pin in her beautiful golden hair.
Jessica and Sara were sisters so to speak but one would never believe that in one look.
"Marry him". Jessica blushed. She knew her sister was right."Always the romantic." Jessica snapped. the honking began again abruptly ending their conversation.
" I thought Sam was in the house?" Sara said frowning and completely annoyed at the sound.
"That must be Dan" Jessica said as pulled back the curtains and peered own through the window." He wont let Sam drive, Loves that car more than anything, more than any girl at least" Jessica joked.
"Didn't anyone tell him cars are driven on roads not seasides." Sarah said sounding completely irritated.
"Didn't anyone tell you you cant drive on the road without rear view mirrors?" Jessica was quick to reply.
"What" Sara's heart skipped a beat she joined her sister in peering down the window.
"Poor guy worked really hard to put his grandfathers car into working condition and realizes his dream cannot be fulfilled because someone stole the rear view mirrors"
"Why doesn't he just replace them with new ones?" Sara inquired
"I asked him the same thing but he couldn't find anyone that the Car would like. How do you like that?"
Jessica kissed her sister goodbye and Sara wished her good luck. As she saw the car drive away Sara felt her heartbeat increase.
She did not realize how long she had been staring at the trunk but it must have been long enough because she heard the car in the distance. She ran up to her window and stuck her head out. The long black car made its way through the sand kicking up a storm behind it. She did not waste anytime.She grabbed the wooden box from the trunk and made her way downstairs.Sam was walking Jessica back while Dan continued to sit in the car strumming his fingers on the wheel to a song. They really had grown apart the thought of that for some reason made her heart ache. she clenched onto the wooden box and walked towards the car. Sam and Jessica were still on the porch so she took the back door. It wasn't until she was almost near the car that Dan noticed her approaching. He looked confused and most certainly scared like a child about to be chided by his mother. He stumbled and turned of the music and then quickly got out of the car. Sara smiled. In her heart she was equally nervous maybe more considering it was she who had a confession to make. Dan returned the smile but couldn't hide the frenzy in his eyes.
"I have a confession" Sarah said getting straight to the point. The only way she thought to avoid any further awkwardness. She handed him the box."Joe gave them to me" she said as Dan opened the box. His eyes lit up. That gave Sara an unexceptionable feeling of joy. "I.......I don't understand...How ...when" Dan seemed lost for words
"The day you broke my sand castle..you remember. That was the day he gave them to me"
There was silence. Sarah's voice dropped."It was like a form of revenge"
They both stared at each other. There was far too much to be said but neither knew from where to begin.
Sara saw Sam returning."You should get going then I suppose" Sarah said.
"Yes I guess I probably should" for the first time in his life Dan never meant a single word he said.
"Hey Sara" Sam said as he neared the car.
"Hey. You guys have fun tonight?"she replied
"Yeah we had a great time.See you tomorrow"Sam said as he sat in the car.
She smiled and waved.
Dan looked back and stared. He was someone capable of making any girl go weak int he knees for him and yet the best he could come up with was "Thank You"
He hurried himself into the car.
Sam stared at the box and asked"Whats that"
Dan opened it and showed him. By then Sara had walked halfway back to her front porch.
"Dan..No way these are the mirrors am I right. But how I don...don't understand" He stopped as he saw Dan wave Sara goodbye. Dan definitely had a way around women but his was different. He sensed his brother did not want to talk on the way back and he was right
"The day you broke my sand castle..you remember." Sara's voice echoed in his head. He did remember. He had never forgotten. How he came up to the beachfront that morning and see Alfie and Sara build a sand castle."No" he had thought to himself "no, nothing in the world had given her the right to do that."  They had spoken for days about building the perfect castle and here she was building it with Alfie. His heart ached. He had never felt so angry before. He clenched his fist with all his might hoping that it would drown some of the anger, but it didn't help.He stared at them, all of them especially her. He ran towards the castle and landed one swinging kick on it just before Alfie could place the red flag on it.It felt good at the moment but it was something he regretted to this day of his life. Sara had burst into a fit of tears and never spoken to him again. Not until tonight.
The silence unbearable Sam finally butted in "So I guess this makes everything alright now?"
Dan stared at his brother transfixed with confusion and wonder. "What do you mean?" He asked."I mean now you can fulfill your lifelong dream of driving Grandpas car wherever you want"Sam replied.
"Yes...Yes..that"Dan had completely forgotten about the box. The wooden box with two rare view mirrors sitting comfortably next to each other almost hugging onto one another. "You know what Sam?" Dan said as they almost approached home. "what?" Sam replied.
"Grandpa, was a genius!"Dan Said smiling.
Sam had heard Dan say that several times before. Every time Dan Repaired a part of the car he'd acknowledge the genius of grandpa. Sam smiled back, knowing full well that this time Grandpa's genius had worked for something other than the car.

It coils majestically,
Its scaled red and white coat glistens in the sunlight,
it whispers a warning in its hiss.


The worm slithers,
its slimy skin seemingly fluid,
it dashes around firmly holding onto its feet,




the chase begins.


trickery emerges as the first defense,
the red demon contracts,
its size misjudged.


The chase reverses,
trickery works.


the slime approaches,
it is greeted by a full grown hood.
fangs desperately seeking to pierce.


All is foiled.
A great tablet descends.
it squishes life out of the worm,
the worm is dead.
The game is over.


The snake won,
The snake lost.

quarter past ten,
waiting.
hear the water drop,
waiting.
the wind howls ,
the window creeks,
waiting.
waves crash on the shore,
waiting.
courage i have not ,
so i sit.
my mind paces back and forth,
waiting.
a little light shines through,
flickers for a while .
worry swells in the heart,
waiting,
this time with hope.
then it disappears.
no light ,plunged to darkness.
once again.

Never has she been so sure
never had she known better 
that to betray
it hurts
to lie 
you repent
aim, shoot it must be done








there is something bout those dark eyes
that will never be explained.

The occurrence of angels by my side
whisper sweet lullaby
in their soft tune
mysteries deep lie 
i try to understand
i cannot
i weep
melancholia raises the joy
it echoes across the ground
the trees shudder in fright
as the cold winds catch up
they bring their steed in full speed

A turbulent journey of self discovery, some time on hands and an obsession with the game of thrones series led me to take random internet tests. The first result to the test "Which Game of Thrones character are you" led to:

Daenerys Targaryen
You have a destiny, you are positive of it. Whatever it may be, you're determined to acomplish it. You're not as viscious as some people, but you know how to get the job done. You feel as if you've grown up to fast, and this can work against you.

and the second in an attempt to find which house I belonged to gave mew this:

In which Game of Thrones house do you belong?

Your Result: You belong in HOUSE STARK - Winter is Coming

 

House Stark is the most influential and notable power in the North. From their stronghold at Winterfell, the Starks guard the old ways against the dishonourable and fractious houses of the Seven Kingdoms. Their devotion to honour and the old gods wins them few friends in the court of King’s Landing and beyond, but this very same dedication to tradition commands respect from the lords of the North. Those Northmen who bend the knee to Eddard Stark have been hard won with respect, devotion, and justice. His sons show signs that they too will be well-respected and beloved leaders in the North upon ascending to the lordship of this enduring and storied house.

You belong in HOUSE TARGARYEN - Fire and Blood

 

You belong in HOUSE ARRYN - As High as Honor

 

You belong in HOUSE LANNISTER - Hear Me Roar

 

You belong in HOUSE BARATHEON - Ours is the Fury

 

Now clearly Daenerys Targaryen does not hail from the house of Stark hence the understanding that as an individual I possess qualities specific to me more or less fun but what surprises me is the fact that apparently I can accomplish anything. Personally I wouldn't call my self determined however seeing this gives me food for thought. Hopefully when I next post I would have made a breakthrough.