She hung up her coat behind the door and kicked of her shoes. She dragged herself to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. As she lifted the glass her eyes caught the letter. She stared at it. She had read it, over and over again. "We all make mistakes and we all hurt.....Forgiveness is key..." the words circled round her head as they had done all day.She turned her back to the letter as if to shut the thoughts out. "What we have must go on", they were back again. She closed her eyes and gulped down a sip. The wine tingled her senses as if breathing some life into her tired body. "It must go on" she thought "Yes, it must. I am the correction she is the mistake. Yes this isn't what I pictured for me in life but it feels right so it must be it, it must go on"
When she was with him she was a different person. Strong,confident,beautiful, she felt it,in her heart. She could spend endless hours talking to him and even longer about him, if there was anyone she could talk to that is. Not any more,now she could scream at the top of the world. Tonight he would come to her. Tonight he would be hers forever.Yes the world would talk as they always do,as she did once too,and just as the seasons change so would the talk.
She threw herself on the couch and picked up the letter and read it once again.She felt a sense of victory as she ran through his words. She stopped. Victory she wondered. Is it victory? Victory over what? If I'm winning, is someone loosing. She looked at the time. If I hurry I could make it in time, she thought. she grabbed her coat and stuffed the letter into her pocket and headed for her car. "What am I doing?" she thought but carried on all the same. All she wanted was in her grasp. Was this a mistake?What was she hoping to achieve? She had no answers and the questions didn't seem to stop. She got into the car,the engine roared up, She took a deep breath and drove off.
The park was a lovely place,she came here often as a kid. But moving towards the city had its fair share of advantages. The air smelled sweet like it did when she came with her father. They indeed spent the most wonderful years together however short-lived they were. Kids screamed as they played, People chattered,cyclists zoomed by,joggers trotted by and dreamers just drifted by. "life" she heard herself whisper.Just at the bend of the road under the huge oak tree was where the playgroup met. She could see the little kids running around.Among the bunch of boys running after the other she spotted him. Bright haired and wide eyed, probably the liveliest of them all.She sat on a bench opposite. Sitting there she devoured his every movement like it were the air she was breathing. Even at the tender age of three his father's characteristics were more than evident.She pushed her hands into the coat pockets to hide them from the cold air. She felt the letter,she drew it out and began reading it again.
Evening began to hum a darker tune when she realized how long she spent there just staring at the children. The playgroup had begun winding up. She saw mothers coming to fetch their kids home. Among the crowd she spotted her. Slender, blonde and indeed charming,very different from herself. "They have lost" she thought, "They will face the ugly truth today which will possibly change their lives forever, but definitely change mine for the better". Just then she saw the two of them approaching her. No, they had no idea who she was but yet as they drew closer she lost her nerve. She sprang up to her feet and decided to make a move. She started to walk in the opposite direction feeling her knees tremble along the way. her heart was racing. She didn't quite understand what was making her so nervous. All of a sudden she heard footsteps behind her. the footsteps were fast but the stride was small. they belonged to child,certainly. Not him, she thought.She felt him drawing closer."excuse me miss" she heard a young voice squeak. It was him. She clenched the insides of her coat pocket,she carried on ignoring him. "Excuse me miss" he said louder as he tugged onto her coat. She turned. she looked down into his eyes.Innocent and a clear sparkling blue."Miss I tink you dropped this" he said. Before she could make sense of anything he ran back to his mother and hid behind her coat. She saw her smile,she smiled back and raised the letter as if to thank them.Mother and son continued walking away.
As she walked away she felt something she could never describe. She opened the letter,read it again."I know it will be hard on them but if they really love me they will understand" she re- read those lines,she folded the letter and as she walked out of the gates of the park she gently slid it into a trash can. That day she walked out of the gates a woman in love, a woman truly in love.
When she was with him she was a different person. Strong,confident,beautiful, she felt it,in her heart. She could spend endless hours talking to him and even longer about him, if there was anyone she could talk to that is. Not any more,now she could scream at the top of the world. Tonight he would come to her. Tonight he would be hers forever.Yes the world would talk as they always do,as she did once too,and just as the seasons change so would the talk.
She threw herself on the couch and picked up the letter and read it once again.She felt a sense of victory as she ran through his words. She stopped. Victory she wondered. Is it victory? Victory over what? If I'm winning, is someone loosing. She looked at the time. If I hurry I could make it in time, she thought. she grabbed her coat and stuffed the letter into her pocket and headed for her car. "What am I doing?" she thought but carried on all the same. All she wanted was in her grasp. Was this a mistake?What was she hoping to achieve? She had no answers and the questions didn't seem to stop. She got into the car,the engine roared up, She took a deep breath and drove off.
The park was a lovely place,she came here often as a kid. But moving towards the city had its fair share of advantages. The air smelled sweet like it did when she came with her father. They indeed spent the most wonderful years together however short-lived they were. Kids screamed as they played, People chattered,cyclists zoomed by,joggers trotted by and dreamers just drifted by. "life" she heard herself whisper.Just at the bend of the road under the huge oak tree was where the playgroup met. She could see the little kids running around.Among the bunch of boys running after the other she spotted him. Bright haired and wide eyed, probably the liveliest of them all.She sat on a bench opposite. Sitting there she devoured his every movement like it were the air she was breathing. Even at the tender age of three his father's characteristics were more than evident.She pushed her hands into the coat pockets to hide them from the cold air. She felt the letter,she drew it out and began reading it again.
Evening began to hum a darker tune when she realized how long she spent there just staring at the children. The playgroup had begun winding up. She saw mothers coming to fetch their kids home. Among the crowd she spotted her. Slender, blonde and indeed charming,very different from herself. "They have lost" she thought, "They will face the ugly truth today which will possibly change their lives forever, but definitely change mine for the better". Just then she saw the two of them approaching her. No, they had no idea who she was but yet as they drew closer she lost her nerve. She sprang up to her feet and decided to make a move. She started to walk in the opposite direction feeling her knees tremble along the way. her heart was racing. She didn't quite understand what was making her so nervous. All of a sudden she heard footsteps behind her. the footsteps were fast but the stride was small. they belonged to child,certainly. Not him, she thought.She felt him drawing closer."excuse me miss" she heard a young voice squeak. It was him. She clenched the insides of her coat pocket,she carried on ignoring him. "Excuse me miss" he said louder as he tugged onto her coat. She turned. she looked down into his eyes.Innocent and a clear sparkling blue."Miss I tink you dropped this" he said. Before she could make sense of anything he ran back to his mother and hid behind her coat. She saw her smile,she smiled back and raised the letter as if to thank them.Mother and son continued walking away.
As she walked away she felt something she could never describe. She opened the letter,read it again."I know it will be hard on them but if they really love me they will understand" she re- read those lines,she folded the letter and as she walked out of the gates of the park she gently slid it into a trash can. That day she walked out of the gates a woman in love, a woman truly in love.
No comments:
Post a Comment